We're back for round three! This week is all about our critique partners. First, let me thank Amber Roberts and Natasha Watts for their suggestions. I didn't make a lot of changes this week. This story is full of emotion, which I usually have to dig deep into edits to pull out the feels, but not for this one. Cas immediately made it known how she felt. I added a few details so you could get to know her a little more and cleaned up some extra words.
The sun dipped beneath the horizon, turning the sky into the perfect palette of pinks and purples. New painting ideas filled my thoughts. I couldn’t wait to get to my hotel room so I could break out one of the canvases I’d brought.
But first, I had a date with a man I’d never met. My father.
The explosion of colors dulled with the clouds moving in just like the shift in my mood. Eighteen years and not a single letter or phone call. A few of my friends with only one parent had at least gotten the obligatory birthday and Christmas cards from the other. Me…nothing. Nada. Zilch.
I checked my phone. We were supposed to meet in a couple of hours.
The lump in my throat made it hard to breathe. The bees swarming around in my stomach made it hard to concentrate. A thousand and one questions floated through my thoughts. The same ones I’d been contemplating the entire trip to South Dakota. One stood out more than the rest.
Why did he leave? Well, two questions. Why didn’t he want to know me?
Listening to Mom’s stories made me think they’d been happy together… until I arrived. If he’d made her happy then I couldn’t help but wonder why it would have been so hard to stick around.
According to my GPS, I was less than an hour away from the hotel I was staying at for the week. Dinner was supposed to be nearby. The more I thought about meeting him, the less I wanted to. My hands shook as I turned the wheel toward the exit ramp.
I wasn’t supposed to exit, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to continue. I could turn around and head straight to Boulder. Freshmen orientation started next week. Mom would understand if I skipped time with Eric—calling him dad didn’t feel right—and went straight to school.
A buzz came from the passenger seat. My best friend’s face lit up on the phone. With my eyes still on the road, I slid my finger across the screen until it quit ringing.
“Hey, Rye,” I muttered.
“Oh, babe. You sound miserable. I thought you were excited to see Eric.”
Riley and I had been friends since fourth grade. We’d done the elementary school-kid crush for a while then he told me he was interested in guys. That was the day I vowed to always have his back. He said he’d have mine too.
“I was thinking about skipping and going to school instead.” I flipped my turn signal on before pulling into a gas station.
“Cas, no. You’ve dreamed of this. Literally. It’s time to see your dad.” Riley had a touch of softness in his command. He wasn’t wrong, I had dreamed of meeting Eric.
“But what if he’s not at all like I’ve pictured?” An old argument, but one I still worried about.
In my head he’d moved on to build a new family with kids. Maybe he was rich, which would suck since Mom and I always seemed to struggle when it came to money.
“What if he’s a super hero and needs you to be his sidekick in training? Maybe he’s ready to train you to be the next Wonder Woman. There are so many what if’s, Cas. You’ve got to get over them.”
Ugh. I didn’t want to get over them. I wanted my dad to care about me. I wanted him to not leave before I was born. I wanted…
My thoughts trailed off as little drops of rain fell onto my windshield. All I wanted was a father who loved me. It was the birthday wish I made every year.
“I can’t do this, Riley. I can’t face the truth that he wants nothing to do with me.”
A tear fell down my cheek. The warmth not comforting at all. Outside, rain drops tinged off the roof. If I didn’t get moving soon I wouldn’t make dinner anyway. There was no way I’d drive to a strange place in a thunderstorm.
Riley gave a long sigh on the other end of the line. I didn’t blame him for being annoyed with me. I was annoyed with myself. If I were braver, I’d already be at the hotel getting ready. Only I wasn’t. I was a coward. My need to stop for comfort snacks every hour turned the eight-hour trip into twelve hours. After calls to my mom, or Riley, I’d get back in the car and drive a little further.
“What are you going to do?” he asked.
I stared out the window toward the bottom of the hills where a small house set off the road. Lights illuminated the rundown brick building. Maybe I could park there for a while. Hang out while the storm passed.
“I don’t know,” I lied.
It wasn’t fair to lie to my best friend, but if I told him I’d pulled off the highway and was considering parking in front of an uninhabited hovel he’d try to talk me out of it.
The truth was, I wasn’t ready to meet the man who abandoned me. Not yet. Tomorrow I’d try again. Maybe.
“Well, whatever you decide, promise to text me later so I know you’re safe. I won’t influence you, Cas. You know how I feel and I hope you do what’s best for you. I’ve got your back no matter what.”
I nodded. I did know.
“Love you, Rye.” I squeaked.
As soon as I ended our call a flood of tears poured out. A sob caught in my throat. Carefully, I pulled out of the gas station and headed toward the building. Abandoned just like I’d been. I parked in the open grass and turned off my car.
“Sorry. Too hard to drive in this rain. Maybe another time.” I hit send on the text, laid my head back, and closed my eyes.
He hadn’t tried in eighteen years. What was a little longer?